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Current mood:vaporized

“if you could ask god one question, what would it be?”
“hey, you took mine!”
i don’t feel like i belong to anything.  i don’t feel marginalized by anything.  i don’t hate my job.  i don’t know my friends.  blinking to feign sleepiness, drinking to feign consciousness.  my knees creak. architecture groaned.  a new apartment with old old plaster walls.  there is plaster cracked loose at the back of my pantry cabinets, sending a draft into my sundries.  “keep in a cool dry place”  how perfect.  i don’t hate my home or my life.  angst is cutely defined as anger at the realization that you don’t have to exist.  we do nothing BUT exist.  keep polishing your glasses years after lasic surgery.  horse race to the glue factory.  sandblasters, mix masters, and cross marketers.  bet the farm.  false alarm.  they are, by and large, dead idioms.  thelidium.  can you ask yourself just one question?

what do you want to do?
i want to stop having sleepy fits of apathetic self-loathing.  every day i step right to the cusp of revolution.  then i stop; for lack of support, for lack of means, for lack of any real problems to revolt against.  i have my apartment, my job, my savings account.  i want to throw it all away and yell and travel and push and tear but i can’t find enough of a reason.  i can’t stay uncomfortable long enough to revolt against whatever is making me so unhappy and complacent.

there is a WAY

i keep feeling like the world i live in needs its values restructured on a fundamental level.  so that food isn’t stockpiled in surplus to keep prices regulated while people elsewhere starve because keeping them poor keeps oil prices lower for higher resale value at the doggam gas pumps.  but i don’t know where to go.  i don’t know where to start.  who’s changing the world?  and are they lying about it?


Currently listening:
By DJ Shadow
Release date: 19 November, 1996


About Suhail Rafidi

Suhail Rafidi is a novelist and educator whose works explore the destiny of human values in a technological landscape. You can find him on Twitter, too, @shelldive.
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