I’ve found a way to take joy in the things I do which is not contingent upon what others think. I still need practice. I know this is a thing I will improve at. Today I found it hard not to feel disdain for some of my coworkers and patrons. But feeling disdain for others is simply a weakness in me. I almost coulda cried tonight, but I passed it over. It’s five in the morning and I’m still drinking red wine. Oh mee oh mai tai. The rainbows in my mind have leprechauns sliding down them into jacuzzi cauldrons. They’ll simmer all weekend and we can enjoy Leprechaun Stew on Monday evening. It’ll taste better by Tuesday. I want company.
Yesterday the cable installation guy marveled at how many fucking electronic gadgets I had plugged into each other. “It keeps the girlfriends away,” I said, raising my eyebrows knowingly, like I had the philosopher’s stone in my back pocket. He laughed at me. Then, figuring “What does a cable guy know?” I cooked him and ate him. Sometimes I think I want to regulate my hours of activity. Why don’t I sleep earlier and wake earlier? Why do I miss out on mornings? [Because they’re too early in the day.] Why don’t i go running more often? Oop, there it is, the sleepy self loathing, looking for something wrong with $uhail. I work nights and why should that trouble me. I sleep until the crack of noon and I answer to no one. I’ve heard some call this a bad thing? does anybody know anybody who knows anybody who wants to buy a Comcast van? Fully loaded.