Why I Have To Quit My Job

Breakthrough!?Root toot tootsie. Rah rah rah. So let me tell you a little something about the self. My  idleness at this job makes me acutely aware of what I could be doing. It’s funny that way. So, sports fans, today is my last day in bar code scanner land. It all began long ago when I  was a wee tot, January, I think, yes, three weeks ago — it’s all coming back to me. I was  twenty four years old, going on 11. I was filing won day, as I am wont to do, when Pam  came up to my desk, picked up the message book in which I write down the phone calls, and began flipping backwards through the pages. I was looking into a manila envelope. She sighed, flipping.

“What are you looking for?” I inquired.

“There’s a phone number from someone named Kirsten in here somewhere…” she offered, still flipping.

Pick a fate, any fate.Not looking up from my manila folder I knew Kirsten was Pam and Andrew’s hairdresser.  I knew when Kirsten had kalled and what Kirsten had told me.  Still moving papers around in my manila folder I said,

“Oh, you’re at noon and Andrew’s at four.”

Not that kind of secretary.

Not that kind of secretary.

She thanked me, put down the message book and went back to her desk.  It was at that precise moment when I realized I had crossed the line into secretary and personal assistant. It was a comical jarring moment for me. Four days later I gave my notice and today is my last day. They are great bosses, some of the best I’ve had.  ut I realized that day I am not doing something I love, that I did not get a Humanities degree to end up writing mission controls from barcode scanner land. I’m getting antsy. Anxious and bored at the same time, what a strange world I have made for myself has been made for me that I am simultaneously anxious and bored.  I’m too young and too awesome not to be doing something I love.  I’m at a point in my itsy bitsy teeny weeny young life where there is nothing else to  wait for, no pretext to wait under.  I’m not working on a degree, I’m not in a process.  I’m not biding my time.  I have to do what ever it is I want to do with my life now and forever.  So quitting is empowering, I jest to strangers.  Even this self-indulgent blather doesn’t impress me right now.  Will I ever live up to myself?  Oh god  oh god.

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About Suhail Rafidi

Suhail Rafidi is a novelist and educator whose works explore the destiny of human values in a technological landscape. You can find him on Twitter, too, @shelldive.
This entry was posted in Bar Code Scanner Land, Reflection and Personal Knowledge. Bookmark the permalink.

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