Root toot tootsie. Rah rah rah. So let me tell you a little something about the self. My idleness at this job makes me acutely aware of what I could be doing. It’s funny that way. So, sports fans, today is my last day in bar code scanner land. It all began long ago when I was a wee tot, January, I think, yes, three weeks ago — it’s all coming back to me. I was twenty four years old, going on 11. I was filing won day, as I am wont to do, when Pam came up to my desk, picked up the message book in which I write down the phone calls, and began flipping backwards through the pages. I was looking into a manila envelope. She sighed, flipping.
“What are you looking for?” I inquired.
“There’s a phone number from someone named Kirsten in here somewhere…” she offered, still flipping.
Not looking up from my manila folder I knew Kirsten was Pam and Andrew’s hairdresser. I knew when Kirsten had kalled and what Kirsten had told me. Still moving papers around in my manila folder I said,
“Oh, you’re at noon and Andrew’s at four.”
She thanked me, put down the message book and went back to her desk. It was at that precise moment when I realized I had crossed the line into secretary and personal assistant. It was a comical jarring moment for me. Four days later I gave my notice and today is my last day. They are great bosses, some of the best I’ve had. ut I realized that day I am not doing something I love, that I did not get a Humanities degree to end up writing mission controls from barcode scanner land. I’m getting antsy. Anxious and bored at the same time, what a strange world I have made for myself has been made for me that I am simultaneously anxious and bored. I’m too young and too awesome not to be doing something I love. I’m at a point in my itsy bitsy teeny weeny young life where there is nothing else to wait for, no pretext to wait under. I’m not working on a degree, I’m not in a process. I’m not biding my time. I have to do what ever it is I want to do with my life now and forever. So quitting is empowering, I jest to strangers. Even this self-indulgent blather doesn’t impress me right now. Will I ever live up to myself? Oh god oh god.